STORY 1: Spider-Man vs. Wyatt Earp
When the cost of Mitchell and Cameron's wedding begins to skyrocket, they each resort to selling a prized possession. Cam decides to part with a belt buckle he believes was once owned by Wyatt Earp, but it's Mitchell's near-mint 1963 issue of The Amazing Spider-Man #3, which featured the first appearance of Doctor Octopus, that's the big moneymaker.
Cameron: "We are not gonna be able to afford this wedding!"
Mitchell: "OK, maybe we need to pull back on a few things?"
Cameron: "Like what?"
Mitchell: "Uh... the centerpieces?"
Cameron (gasping): "Why even have a wedding?!?"
Cameron: "This here's a belt buckle once worn by the great Wyatt Earp. My grandpa gave it to me when I was seven years old, and he said, 'Son, this will keep the bad guys away.' Well, in my early-20s, I wore it to a 'cowboys and Indians' disco party, and let's just say it didn't."
STORY 2: Claire Is Pregnant?!?
The Dunphy kids find an old answering machine recording of Claire breaking the news to Phil that she's pregnant with Haley, and it inspires Haley, Alex and Luke to play a prank on their parents. By doctoring the recording, they trick Phil into thinking Claire is pregnant again, but the parents wise up and the joke backfires.
Phil (finding a bottle in an old box of stuff): "Oh, Zima!"
Luke: "What's Zima?"
Phil: "Just a party in a bottle. Man, that reminds me of some wild times: Cranking the Björk in my Saturn before me and my buddies snuck some Z into Sleepless in Seattle."
Alex (finding an old picture of Claire): "Who's this hottie with his arm around you?"
Claire: "Oh, that's Bobby Nash, my old boyfriend."
Haley: "Why'd you break up with him... for dad?!?"
Phil: "Let's just say he took his eye off the ball and struck out. So I stepped up to the plate and nailed her in the cheap seats."
Claire: "Yeah, let's not say that."
Haley: "I was conceived at a Duran Duran concert?"
Alex: "Classy start to a classy life."
Phil (thinking Claire is pregnant): "Why didn't I see it? The drugstore, the bloated ankles, you've been so moody lately..."
Claire: "What are you talking about?"
Phil: "There it is."
Claire: "Phil, I am not pregnant."
Phil: "You're not?"
Phil: "Then why'd you leave me that message?"
Claire: "I didn't leave you a message."
Phil: "You sure? You're very forgetful when you're pregnant."
Claire: "I think I would remember."
Phil: "Then why've you been so moody?"
Claire: "Maybe it's because you just told me I have giant ankles!"
STORY 3: Jay, Gloria and Manny Try New Things
Pride and fear come to a head when Jay, Gloria and Manny make a deal to each try something they're really not comfortable doing. Jay agrees to eat a traditional blood sausage prepared by Gloria's mother, Gloria agrees to pet Stella's belly and Manny agrees to eat a pickle.
Manny: "Have you ever really examined a jar of pickles, Jay? It's like a swamp in there."
Jay: "This whole persnickety thing is not gonna fly in the world. Never hand people another reason to make fun of you."
Manny: "You mean like all the cool kids with their leather jackets and their pickles?"
Manny (teasing Jay about having to eat a blood sausage): "Looks like you're in quite a conundrum."
Jay: "You know, you could've said..."
Manny: "A pickle! Dang it, it was right there!"
Jay: "You won't touch Stella's belly!"
Gloria: "Yeah, because it's the creepiest thing ever. There's, like, 30 nipples!"
Clash of Swords