S1 E22 Airport 2010

05/04/10 | TV-PG | CC

Jay and Gloria stroll through the airport preparing to embark on a trip to Hawaii. It's Jay's birthday, so Gloria wanted to treat him to romantic dream vacation for two. Make that eleven. Surprise! The entire family is coming along on the trip. Gloria got plane tickets for everyone. She didn't spare any expense. She didn't have to. It's all Jay's money.

Gloria has planned activities like luaus, hiking, helicopter rides and swimming with the Miami Dolphins. The team must have a training camp on Maui. It all sounds great to everyone but the birthday boy. He just wanted to relax and enjoy the Robert Ludlum novels he has loaded onto his electronic book reader thingy. Jay explains, "I love my family. I love 'em at dinners... I love 'em at barbecues... but do I have to love 'em in Hawaii?"

Problems arise before takeoff. Mitchell forgot his driver's license, which means he can't get on the plane. Things were hectic at the house because Cameron scheduled a playdate for Lily right before they were to leave for the airport. It was the only time Jasper, the most popular kid at Happy Time Preschool, could fit them into his schedule. Mitchell blames Cameron for this little predicament.

Phil says he can cruise Mitch home and be back in time to make their flight. This doesn't sit well with Claire, who is a bit on edge about flying. She wants her husband by her side to help calm her preflight jitters. She'll have to settle for Luke who says, "You know what would be cool, Mom? If the plane flew into a storm and crash-landed onto an island like in LOST." Come to think of it, there was a blonde Claire on Oceanic 815, too.

The road to Mitchell's house is a long one, as Phil drives slow enough to be passed by a pedicab (something Phil drove as he worked his way through college). When they finally arrive at the house, Mitchell realizes Cam has his keys. No problem. Phil is a realtor, which he explains is just a ninja in a blazer. They break in and quickly snag Mitchell's wallet. To the airport!

The alarm at the Dunphy home is tripped. But this is more of a breakout than a break-in, as Dylan was trapped inside. He'd spent the night staring at Haley. He texted her to say he was trapped, but she was busy flirting with a cute guy at the terminal. Dylan has nothing to worry about. The kid who caught Haley's eye looks older than is, so she's horrified to learn the lad is only in 8th grade. Alex, on the other hand, thinks it's hilarious.

Jay decides to drown his sorrows at the airport bar. Claire takes a seat next to him to drown her fears. She never used to be jittery about flying. It's a recent thing, probably stemming from the idea that she now has so much to lose. Jay, on the other hand, is drinking because he believes Gloria may have made this a big family trip because she isn't interested in spending alone time with him. Say it ain't so, Jay!

Manny Delgado is on the no-fly list. Security wants a few words with the sharply-dressed little guy to make sure he isn't a terrorist. The TSA agent is curious as to why Gloria's return ticket differs from her son's. She explains that Manny is heading home early with the family so she can spend a few extra days in Hawaii, just her and her husband. Surprise! Jay says, "I could not love you any more than I do right now." Then Gloria tells him that she knows of a topless beach. Jay stands corrected.

Phil and Mitchell make it back to the airport without a moment to spare. Cameron and Mitchell both apologize for not being more in tune with each other. Phil and Claire do the same. Claire becomes overly affectionate during her apology, probably because of all those cocktails she downed at the bar. Sure hope the airsick bags have been fully stocked on the plane. Aloha!

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