S3 E01 Dude Ranch

09/20/11 | TV-PG | CC

Yee haw! The entire family and Dylan head off to the Lost Creek Dude Ranch in beautiful Wyoming. A cowboy named Hank takes an instant shine to Gloria, who can't seem to get her ears to pop after getting off the plane. Her loud talking makes her the world's worst horse whisperer. Cowboy Hank affectionately calls Gloria "Cactus Flower" while nicknaming an ornery Jay "Old-Timer." His nickname for Claire: Bossy. Love it!

Phil had been practicing his cowboy skills for weeks in order to gain a little respect from Jay. He believes his father-in-law doesn't consider him much of a man. Speaking of manliness, Mitchell's having a bit of an identity crisis. He and Cameron are thinking about adopting a baby boy. But Mitch's uncertainty about being a good dad to a male child is giving him second thoughts.

Luke has a pretty big firecracker that he's looking use. He just can't decide what he should blow up. Believe it or not, his Uncle Mitchell comes to the rescue. The two of them completely obliterate a birdhouse. Mitchell's overjoyed that he did such a "boy thing." He now believes he can be a fine dad to a new adopted son. Nothing like a little senseless destruction to restore your confidence.

Alex meets a streetwise young man named Jimmy. These two are from different worlds, but it's obvious that Jimmy-boy is quite fond of an annoyed Alex. That's probably why he plants an unexpected kiss on her. You heard us. Alex Dunphy just received her first kiss from a boy. In Wyoming!

When Claire tries to assure Dylan that she likes him, the kid thinks his girlfriend's hot mom is hitting on him. Dylan tells Claire that if the situation were different, he would be honored to share her bed and raise Haley, Alex and Luke as his own. As awkward as all this sounds, Claire freaks out even more at the prospect of Dylan marrying her daughter. That's why she derails his heartfelt proposal by the campfire.

Haley is a wreck when a distraught Dylan is thought to be missing the next morning. Teams of search parties are deployed. While out on the rescue mission, Phil lets Jay know that if he still has a problem with the man his daughter married that it's now his problem alone. He also confirms Jay's suspicions that Cowboy Hank is hitting on Gloria.

Jay hops on the back of Phil's horse. These two city slickers gallop up to Destiny Ridge where Hank is putting the moves on Gloria. The cowboy claims it was all part of the experience. He plays the bad guy so the hubby can swoop in and claim his lady. Jay doesn't buy it. Neither does Phil. He'll just be checking the "somewhat satisfied" section on the lodge's comment card. Don't tell us Phil's not a man's man.

As for Dylan, he's fine. Haley was all set to turn down his proposal even before her mom interfered. With no real future with Haley, Dylan has decided to embark on a new adventure as a ranch hand in Wyoming. Alex must also part ways with Jimmy, as they live 2,443 miles away from each other. They won't be seeing each other again. They'll have to be happy with one last kiss goodbye.

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