S1 E07 50 Shades of Green

21:23 | 11/07/12 | TV-PG | CC

It's the Zabvronian mating season! The whole community is in heat. It's…weird. Debbie is enthralled by their mating ritual, which is all mental/emotional, as opposed to the physical rituals that humans use. She tries it on Marty, with minimal impact. Jackie's curious about getting physical with Larry – which disgusts him. Amber is invited to a make-out party, which kinda freaks her out, so she asks Reggie to do something to help get her out of anything she's not ready for.

Memorable Quotes:

Debbie: Take out?
Marty: Order in?
Debbie: Pizza?
Marty: Delivery?
Debbie: Frozen?
Marty: Happy Anniversary.

Debbie: So, all of these people are…doing it?
Jackie: Oh, absolutely not. They're just presenting. Oh, wait, no…Billie Jean King and Johnny Unitas are indeed doing it.

Amber: Seriously? The sex talk? Awesome, because I haven't learned everything there is to know from TV, movies, the fifth-grade health class, the seventh-grade health class, the ninth-grade health class. So, the real question, parents, is, Do you have any questions for me, because I'm pretty sure I have more answers than you do.

Marty: You know how I feel about baths. You're sitting in your own muck, things that are supposed to dangle, float…eghk.

Marty: Here's what we do. You finish your wine, take a nice bath and relax. I'm gonna watch SportsCenter, I'm gonna take some Gas-X, and then I'm gonna romance the crap outta you.

Larry: Wife! Why aren't you wearing more clothes?

Zabvronian Instructional Video: And now, module eight, Earth invasion. Phase one: Kill all the bees.
Larry: Uh, that was nothing. Good night, Marty!

Marty knows it would mean a lot to Debbie if he tried the Zabvronian compliment ritual, so they give it a try. It kinda fails, but Debbie's just glad Marty wanted to try it out. On the flipside, Larry dons some negligee. We won't say any more than that. Meanwhile, at the make-out party, just as Amber reaches an understanding with her hot crush that she's not ready for physical stuff (which he is totally cool with), Reggie comes through. As long as you consider "coming through" warning the parents, who stage an all-out minivan assault on the golf course where the make-out party has ended up.

Memorable Quotes:

Larry: We have further questions. While I have been successful at human mating, Jackie Joyner-Kersee remains unable to achieve satisfaction.
Jackie: Is that normal?
Marty: No.
Debbie: Yeah.
Marty: Damn.

Marty: I know you think you've got it all figured out because you wear black and you know how to use Google, but it's complicated. Look at all of us. We're like a hundred and we're still trying to sort this stuff out.
Amber: You are really old for this.
Marty: Very old.
Larry (running up to the group): He got away. We got a hunk of his hair for the dogs. We'll have him by daybreak.
Marty: I'm also sorry for that.

Debbie: You being a good dad to your daughter is the sexiest thing in the world to me.
Marty: Oh yeah? (sexy voice) What else do you want me to do to our daughter? Wow, that's not what I…I knew it came out the wrong way.

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