S1 E12 Cold War

21:35 | 01/16/13 | TV-PG | CC

Abby’s got a cold. No big deal. Larry Bird is just going to put her in a Zabvronian isolation tent.

The Weaver’s obviously aren’t going to do that, so Larry Bird quarantines the whole Weaver household -- no Zabvronian is allowed to be near them. As per usual when one person gets sick in a household, soon all the Weavers are sick. Jackie is curious about the idea of nurturing the sick, and she sneaks over to the Weavers house to nurse them back to health. Nurturing is as wonderful as she hoped it would be, but it comes with a price: She gets sick too.

Memorable Quotes:

Debbie: I’m this family’s Nurse Jackie.
Amber: You’re this family’s secret drug addict?
Debbie: OK, clearly I’ve never seen Nurse Jackie.
Marty: Yeah, she’s a drug addict.

Jackie: You have to admit that nurturing does sound better than our isolation tent. Back home, the one time when Reggie Jackson fell ill, four elders had to hold me back while he was led off to be tented, and I--
Wha? I’m telling a story.
Yes, but you told me to tell you when you get rambly.

Larry: What music were you listening to while you were exercising?
Jackie: Santana.
Larry: Which album?
Jackie: Santana Live.
Larry: Name a song.
Jackie: Hear My Santana.
Larry: Name all the songs.
Jackie: Let’s Go To Santana, The Santana Banana, Santana Me Always, Jingle Bell Rock.
Larry (nodding, buying the story): OK.

Reggie doesn’t want Amber to be sick, so he sets out to cure the common cold. Meanwhile, all of the Zabvronians have heard about Jackie’s nurturing, and they want to try it as well. They bring the Weavers soup, and fix their pillows and tend to their every need. Larry watches from the isolation tent, and soon, he’s in there too.

Reggie’s cold cure didn’t work. But on the advice of Janitor Raymond, he lets he know he’d cure it for her if he tried by bringing her a thoughtful care package. And that works like a charm.

Memorable Quotes:

Janitor Raymond: If there’s one thing I’ve learned from 30 years of cleaning a high-school crapper, it’s that you never underestimate a nerdy Asian kid.

(Larry bursts into Reggie’s room to find him hugging Janitor Raymond)
Reggie: Father! This isn’t what it looks like.
Larry: It looks like you’re embracing a custodian with a cold.
Reggie: OK. It’s exactly what it looks like.

Debbie: I’m sick too, Marty. You’re not the only one who feels like crap. And you never help when we’re all sick. You just turn into a whiny, helpless baby. But you’re worse than a baby, because you can talk. But you can’t do anything else. So it’s like you’re old. But you’re still a baby. You’re an old baby! You’re Benjamin Button!
Marty: I’m Benjamin Button?
Debbie: I have a very high fever.

Marty: Honey, I’m sorry I act like Benjamin Button every time I get sick. It’s just that you’re so good at taking care of everyone that it’s hard not to take advantage.
Debbie: I know. I’m like House, MD.
Marty: No. Honey, House is also a drug addict. You have to watch more TV if you’re gonna make references.

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