S2 E11 A Christmas Story

21:23 | 12/13/13 | TV-PG | CC

It’s Christmas and the kids’ lists are in. The Weaver kids want the usual -- new car, new pony…  -- but Max also adds a Princess Leia doll. Marty is a little weirded out at first, but then vows to not react like his dad would have. He’s gonna get Max the doll. No, A HUNDRED DOLLS! This may or may not turn out to be an overreach.

Amber knows Reggie is going to get him something perfect, so she enlists Jackie’s help to get him the perfect gift. She gets him a lamp and some paint. He’s insulted, but perhaps this one needs a little more time to sink in…

All Dick wants for Christmas is an ant farm. Easy peasy -- except Larry wants him to have a train set and refuses to buy him the ant farm. Against Marty’s advice, Debbie meddles and buy him an ant farm. When Dick finds it early, he’s ecstatic. Larry, of course, is not -- because he’s actually been custom-making a gigantic ant farm for him. Debbie totally stole his thunder.

So Larry steals some thunder of his own -- by buying Amber a car, Abby a pony, and Max a real woman dressed in Princess Leia’s gold bikini. Who’s the bad parent now? (Sure, it’s still Larry, but there might be more.)

Memorable Quotes:

Debbie: What’s wrong with an ant farm? It’s a great toy for a boy Dick’s age. It’s educational.
Yeah, I had one when I was a kid.
Oh, is that why you grew up to be one of the world’s leading scientific researchers? Oh wait, you sell high chairs.

(re: Max wanting a Princess Leia doll for Christmas)
Debbie: It’s nothing to worry about. When you were his age you wanted an Easy-Bake Oven.
Marty: But then Christmas morning my father smashed it with a baseball bat and said, “Merry Christmas, Martha. Here’s a bat.”

Okay, I’m gonna go buy my son a doll. Am I doing the right thing here, Dick?
I’m about to go tell a fat stranger that I’ve been a good boy and ask him for some insects. I think we’re all just feeling our way through this one.

(Abby opens up her gift, a stuffed pony)
Abby: Yay. This one’s my favorite because she only cares about her friends and how she looks!
Debbie: What every mother wants to hear.

Marty: We’re keeping the ball pit, right? I love the ball pit!
(Marty dives into the plastic balls)
Debbie: That is why I drink.

Reggie: I’d like to be alone, so I can cry like a man cries.

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